packed

I packed it up. All your stuff.
I waited for you. Your return.
You promised you would be back!
Right back.
That was a year ago.
Yes you said you had to go home to your child. Your job, your life, your husband, but that you would return.
You never did.
Your place in my heart was never occupied, may be the spot in the bed was, but never where it mattered most.
I waited!
But after a year, the calls boil down to an occasional text, an "I love you, I miss you".
But in all honesty, you are married. I'm not. Its selfish of me to expect you to give up what you have, a life, a family, for this unknown!
We always spoke of 'in another life time'. Maybe one day.
So I packed it up
All your stuff! The clothes, the vicki secrets, the shoes!
So expect a package in the mail soon. And when you get the box please return to sender/giver with the heart that you hold!!!

one more thing...

My name is Steven J Chase.
At this time in my life I'm In Training to be a Pastor!
Its a journey, learning to deal with people & issues but more so having a greater walk with God!

I say that to say, I'm an fairly honest person, some would say I'm blunt! I speak what's on my mind, while being mindful of the person!
I have a high tolerance for people but a low tolerance level for stupidity!

I have done wrong & right in my life. They both helped me to be who & where I am now. I'm not perfect and will never be.

Sometimes the people in your life that affect/disappoint you the most are family! Friends you can change & replace, family, not so much!

I'm not a story so I don't take kindly to you reporting on me & my interactions! The internet, more so facebook & twitter are "social sites", there for online social interactions. So what I do online should have no effect on your personal well being. Who I add or communicate with online is MY business! Ok cnn!!!

If you think that adding someone on fb would open a door to your spiritual demise you have NO idea as to how the spiritual realm works.
God, Jesus Christ & the Holy Spirit are not my friends on Facebook, but they have a major impact on my life! And the same could be said for the negative/evil spirits, they don't need to be a friend to affect you. Its up to you as to what you allow in.

So don't stand in the oven talking about me opening the back door and allowing the heat from outside in.
Its time to get over it and move on with your life! Leave me out of your drama!

And there's always the UNFRIEND button!

Vent

It's rear that I use here to vent, but it's my private space to do so.
It's challenging enough to be a Pastor in training but to have to deal with people's attitude is upsetting even more.
I'm the type of guy that can handle a lot of stuff. But when you step to me with crap, I have no time to deal with it
Especially when it's because your ego was put in check.
My tolerance level for stupidity/incompetence is low.
But being in this roll I guess I have to be able to grin & bear it all!
I guess the saying is true "familiarity breeds contempt"!
When I say quiet people had an issue, now I'm out spoken, that's an issue. What am I to do???
It's easy for me & probably the best thing for me to stay quiet.
So, God I pray that you increase my level of tolerance & patience to deal with people!
Give me the strength to do what's right & according to tour will. AMEN!

the Journey

This is how my footsteps are ordered. I walk in faith, though my flesh is nervous and sometimes afraid, The Holy Spirit guides me.

The person I've been is the laid back type with a take charge personality when needed. But in recent times I've found that I've become 'the take charge now' person.

Stepping into my calling? I believe so. I've had to fill in at a tv station for my Rabbi. Read into a camera to hundreds maybe thousands. It was nerve racking, but by His grace I made it through.
Standing in front of the congregation on a Saturday morning filled with family and people you know is one thing but in front of hundreds at a Home going Service for a church minister!

It was truly a humbling experience, especially being a Pastor in Training and being asked by your Pastor/Rabbi to assist in the service for her daughter!

I've been to a few funerals, but being on the other side, officiating, was different. But being exposed to a different type of preacher is awesome, she's was truly diplomatic but more so spirit filled/lead.

I look forward to more steps with God on this journey!

Thank you God for you strength!

Hello, actually, Goodbye fear...

Hello fear, the title song to Kirk Franklin's 2011 album.
The lyrics to this song pulled on my heart string so strongly when I heard it. Take a listen if you can.
I like most people have a calling on their life. Mine happens to be in ministry to God's kingdom. Anyone knowing me, the real me, knows God has always been a major part of my life, but I'm not a flashy or show person who goes around broadcasting God's word to every soul I meet. Some would even say I'm the opposite, yes I've not live the most righteous life, but who has? God and I have had & continue to have a personal relationship.
The good thing about God is that he gave us all a Free Will. We can do what ever we want to.
I choose to live life to the fullest, I'm no saint and will never confess to be. But God is forgiving.

HE asks very little of us and in return HE blesses us with so much!

Surrender your Heart & your Will!

Easier said than done, believe me.
For the major part of my life God has had my heart; sometimes unknowingly I with drew it because I didn't get things my way, only to find out that that wasn't for me, but HE never left it. But on the other hand, my Will, I've kept under wraps, not surrendering it. For its mine. Mine to do what ever I want. Mostly for my family, mostly good with a lot of self in it.
At the end of the day I can look back and say I don't regret what I've done with my will, I've learned lesson that have made me stronger. The trials, tribulations and tests become your testimony.

So on approaching my 4th celebration of being 30 I believe, I mean I Know its time I surrender my Will.
Its time for me to step up to my calling to serve God, 'wholly & soully'.

Letting go of ones ways isn't an easy thing, especially for the unknown or what is different! But I go, I go openly, uninhibited to my Calling.
I've run for too long and its time the prodigal son returns.

So when you see a change in me don't be upset, afraid or worried. Please know its for the better and I'm being led by the Holy Spirit!!!
With this change I know I have to let go of a lot of things and people. So if things change between us please don't be offended just know I'm working on me.

God's blessing to you
Love
Steven J...

its time

Its time I step back into my writting.
Its been too long.
Time to put pen to papaer, or tips to keypad.

Its time, stay tuned...