Pride
Rolls revered, places traded
You in charge, control and I along for the journey
Looking at the plate, waiting, wanting, yearning to step up to it
But I’m limited by circumstances
Not being the man I can be or used to,
With an already tarnished ego now dented, damaged
The trend continues and I feel more at peace with it, being a kept man.
But upset with me for letting this persist
Thoughts of being a gold-digger, user, player, plays on my mind
So I do what any self respecting man would.
Put an end to this misery and your night stand, next morning awkwardness.
Thanks but no.
Heartfelt and honorable are your intentions, but my pride wont let me
Use you, play you.
Though I can't let you know it, pride won't let me show it
You deserve so much more because I love you and respect you.
September 7, 2008
Q-TIP
As a younger guy I had this thing about clean ears.
One day my dad saw me cleaning my ears and proceeded to tell me
'Son you are holding the key!'
I was at a loss.
He asked me how does my ear feel?
I said really good.
Do you know how the qtip feel?
I said prob the same.
He then explained
That men are like qtips and women are like ears,
Deep complex and sensitive.
If you use the qtip properly satisfaction will be guaranteed.
Not all qtips are the same size or quality.
Remember now the ear is intricate. You can hurt it if you are not careful.
Always ensure that there's cotton on the end, if its not there, you can cause brusing.
But a good qtip comforts, while protecting itself.
At the end the tip is dirty but the ear is clean and comfortable.
Thanx dad, lol.
One day my dad saw me cleaning my ears and proceeded to tell me
'Son you are holding the key!'
I was at a loss.
He asked me how does my ear feel?
I said really good.
Do you know how the qtip feel?
I said prob the same.
He then explained
That men are like qtips and women are like ears,
Deep complex and sensitive.
If you use the qtip properly satisfaction will be guaranteed.
Not all qtips are the same size or quality.
Remember now the ear is intricate. You can hurt it if you are not careful.
Always ensure that there's cotton on the end, if its not there, you can cause brusing.
But a good qtip comforts, while protecting itself.
At the end the tip is dirty but the ear is clean and comfortable.
Thanx dad, lol.
SIX MONTHS
Looking at the date, Its Aug 15 2008.
6 months ago it was Feb 15
A date forever stamped in my memory.
The day heaven got an angel
The day I lost you.
6 months gone by
6 short yet long months dragged by.
Selfish I was, not wanting God to take you home
But he called and you answered.
Grieve and morn was all I could do
For your departure was unexpected
Asleep, peaceful, at rest you looked in the hospital bed,
my eye bloodshot red,
I couldn't believe that you were....
Technically you were my client.
And I was your caregiver/taker.
But you were so much more to me.
A friend, a brother. A loved one.
Being there for you, with you, was a blessing,
on what was to be your last night, had I known I wouldn't have closed my eyes.
Knowing that you are in a better place, space
The pain doesn't seem so great anymore I tell myself.
The void will always be there and no one nor anything can ever replace you, the bond that grew over three years.
You have Gone away from this life
But not the hearts of the people that love you.
Your mother, father, brother, me.
So on this day 6 months ago.
Your caretaker helped the undertaker.
A farewell fit for a king. Speeding along I85 - 285.
Dressed in your racing gear.
I wished we didn't have to rush to your final resting place.
Where now a stone that reads 'son, brother, friend' marks the spot where your body lays.
But I know your soul is once again whole and you are at peace.
I miss you so!!!
R.I.P. Kurt R Sumner
6 months ago it was Feb 15
A date forever stamped in my memory.
The day heaven got an angel
The day I lost you.
6 months gone by
6 short yet long months dragged by.
Selfish I was, not wanting God to take you home
But he called and you answered.
Grieve and morn was all I could do
For your departure was unexpected
Asleep, peaceful, at rest you looked in the hospital bed,
my eye bloodshot red,
I couldn't believe that you were....
Technically you were my client.
And I was your caregiver/taker.
But you were so much more to me.
A friend, a brother. A loved one.
Being there for you, with you, was a blessing,
on what was to be your last night, had I known I wouldn't have closed my eyes.
Knowing that you are in a better place, space
The pain doesn't seem so great anymore I tell myself.
The void will always be there and no one nor anything can ever replace you, the bond that grew over three years.
You have Gone away from this life
But not the hearts of the people that love you.
Your mother, father, brother, me.
So on this day 6 months ago.
Your caretaker helped the undertaker.
A farewell fit for a king. Speeding along I85 - 285.
Dressed in your racing gear.
I wished we didn't have to rush to your final resting place.
Where now a stone that reads 'son, brother, friend' marks the spot where your body lays.
But I know your soul is once again whole and you are at peace.
I miss you so!!!
R.I.P. Kurt R Sumner
September 1, 2008
Retired
Lifestyle choices
Or Natural forces
Womanizer & player,
Total skirt chaser.
Never spent a night alone
House was never a home.
Never an empty bed
But not the type to wed.
Found some, no many
To call baby, but not wifey.
Till one day the game
Had to work hard for a name.
She stopped his heart
For her he fell apart.
She had a mind of a lawyer,
Balanced, cause she was a libra.
Old friends were texting
All because he stopped calling.
Time went by, he's thinking
About question popping, wedding planning!
Vows spoken
Rings & names given.
She had a confession
"Soon your name will live On"
Happy with life
Enjoying his wife.
Baby on the way
No more wanting to stray!
Temptations came
But he's out of the game.
Happy, comfy, content.
From the game, enjoying his Retirement!!!
Or Natural forces
Womanizer & player,
Total skirt chaser.
Never spent a night alone
House was never a home.
Never an empty bed
But not the type to wed.
Found some, no many
To call baby, but not wifey.
Till one day the game
Had to work hard for a name.
She stopped his heart
For her he fell apart.
She had a mind of a lawyer,
Balanced, cause she was a libra.
Old friends were texting
All because he stopped calling.
Time went by, he's thinking
About question popping, wedding planning!
Vows spoken
Rings & names given.
She had a confession
"Soon your name will live On"
Happy with life
Enjoying his wife.
Baby on the way
No more wanting to stray!
Temptations came
But he's out of the game.
Happy, comfy, content.
From the game, enjoying his Retirement!!!
The Ones
The one
The ones
The likes
The loves
Girls now grown
Engaged, single, married
Special friends
Oh so special back then.
You showed me
Taught me
No, I wasn’t slow
Just wanted more…
Crept and sneaked
So your husband, family
Boyfriend won’t know
Secrets hid even to today
Best friends didn’t know
His sister, his girl,
Even my girl’s home girl
And so!!!
The Ones
Cheated on, cheated with.
Never caught, often accused
Until it happened to me. Damn
The relationships,
The quarrels, the fights
Never physical always resolved
The make ups, the break ups
The hurt, the pain
The stress, the pitfalls
The laughs, the tears
The gains through it all.
Mislabeled a player
No, just a researcher
For the right one
For the future wifer.
So to the Ones
That were, that weren’t to be
That lasted, never ended
The Ones that helped me become a better me.
I’ll never forget you!!!
The ones
The likes
The loves
Girls now grown
Engaged, single, married
Special friends
Oh so special back then.
You showed me
Taught me
No, I wasn’t slow
Just wanted more…
Crept and sneaked
So your husband, family
Boyfriend won’t know
Secrets hid even to today
Best friends didn’t know
His sister, his girl,
Even my girl’s home girl
And so!!!
The Ones
Cheated on, cheated with.
Never caught, often accused
Until it happened to me. Damn
The relationships,
The quarrels, the fights
Never physical always resolved
The make ups, the break ups
The hurt, the pain
The stress, the pitfalls
The laughs, the tears
The gains through it all.
Mislabeled a player
No, just a researcher
For the right one
For the future wifer.
So to the Ones
That were, that weren’t to be
That lasted, never ended
The Ones that helped me become a better me.
I’ll never forget you!!!
She
She...
here in my arms
She drifts in and out of sleep
looking, peeping actually to see if it's real, but
if it isn't She doesn't want to lose
this feeling Spiritual, emotional
somewhat indescribable feeling.
She reaches for my ear lobe, implying
I want more without uttering a word, a sound.
i pause before i kiss her lips.
The lips She conceals the lips I explore,
vertically and horizontally
reveals moist pleasures kept deep within
as these moistures escape to the surface
a moan a groan signals the arrival.
with a grin so wide, content She is.
knowing it's real She drifts off to sleep again…
Wanting more.
Kick it friends, buddies was her proposal
Rejected it was.
What type of gentleman would he be?
To accept such an offer
No strings attached. Any man's dream, but he isn't just any man.
Not in this day of 'you are the baby's daddy'
True commitment he suggested, offered
Hesitation was initial leading to acceptance and agreement
They fell in like, growing, bonding, waiting.
Waiting for what? The inevitable,
The point where like transforms to love
It crept up faster than they expected, hitting them hard, knocking them out.
But they knew it was just a matter of time,
As the butterflies didn't fully develop. Stunted in the pupa stages
The love was genuine but neither were in.
Things fell apart just as quickly as it started
But love in any form is unconditional, permanent.
So as long as she knows that piece of his heart will be tattooed with her name
They will be homies and friends
Rejected it was.
What type of gentleman would he be?
To accept such an offer
No strings attached. Any man's dream, but he isn't just any man.
Not in this day of 'you are the baby's daddy'
True commitment he suggested, offered
Hesitation was initial leading to acceptance and agreement
They fell in like, growing, bonding, waiting.
Waiting for what? The inevitable,
The point where like transforms to love
It crept up faster than they expected, hitting them hard, knocking them out.
But they knew it was just a matter of time,
As the butterflies didn't fully develop. Stunted in the pupa stages
The love was genuine but neither were in.
Things fell apart just as quickly as it started
But love in any form is unconditional, permanent.
So as long as she knows that piece of his heart will be tattooed with her name
They will be homies and friends
Rantings of a Serial Gemini
Everyone is different
Yet the same
As for me being different is being sane
I love hard & not at all
The two co-exist in harmony with in
For I'm at ease with such a decision
Simple Complexity and Complex simplicity
Or is it Simple simplicity with Complex Complexity?
I want to love you tenderly yet I want, must have my space
I wish you'd understand me, but even me,
Don't get me, my moods, attitudes.
Both sides know that there's a difference in,
Loving someone and being in love…
Being in love is the ultimate sacrifice,
Breaking down, letting someone other than yourself
Into the inner sanctuary.
Violated before, the walls are re-reinforced against your attempts.
Yes I love you, but I love me more so,
I let you in only so far
Keeping your every move under surveillance
Not wanting to repeat the question of
¿How did you end up here?
Limited are the calls, emails, texts, sex, time
All in order for self preservation and sanity.
But the heart and the heads don't communicate
As the sun rises over the headboard, I turn and say
"Good morning love, slept well?
As I ask myself "damn how did you end up here? Again?"
Yet the same
As for me being different is being sane
I love hard & not at all
The two co-exist in harmony with in
For I'm at ease with such a decision
Simple Complexity and Complex simplicity
Or is it Simple simplicity with Complex Complexity?
I want to love you tenderly yet I want, must have my space
I wish you'd understand me, but even me,
Don't get me, my moods, attitudes.
Both sides know that there's a difference in,
Loving someone and being in love…
Being in love is the ultimate sacrifice,
Breaking down, letting someone other than yourself
Into the inner sanctuary.
Violated before, the walls are re-reinforced against your attempts.
Yes I love you, but I love me more so,
I let you in only so far
Keeping your every move under surveillance
Not wanting to repeat the question of
¿How did you end up here?
Limited are the calls, emails, texts, sex, time
All in order for self preservation and sanity.
But the heart and the heads don't communicate
As the sun rises over the headboard, I turn and say
"Good morning love, slept well?
As I ask myself "damn how did you end up here? Again?"
Woman
Woman
Mother, Grandmother,
Sister, wife, lover, Friend.
Depended upon & Independent
Super Woman.
You give birth, life
You nurture because it's your nature.
Discipline and guide.
Teacher, motivator, counselor.
Beautiful, educated, intelligent
Classy and somewhat bossy.
Respected, appreciated, admired
Curvy, shapely.
Thick, thin, short, tall.
Skin tones vary
Perfect imperfections, flawed.
Faces made up, mani & pedicure tight.
Grow it, cut it; bought it, yes the hair is yours.
Enhanced, reduced, perky, saggy, natural
Always a source of comfort
Sometimes abused, rejected, neglected, and taken for granted.
Name called. Labeled.
But always taking care of business.
You achieve, survive and succeed.
The family glue, secret keeper.
Support system
WOMAN
I thank you for being who and what you are.
I truly appreciate & love you!!!
Mother, Grandmother,
Sister, wife, lover, Friend.
Depended upon & Independent
Super Woman.
You give birth, life
You nurture because it's your nature.
Discipline and guide.
Teacher, motivator, counselor.
Beautiful, educated, intelligent
Classy and somewhat bossy.
Respected, appreciated, admired
Curvy, shapely.
Thick, thin, short, tall.
Skin tones vary
Perfect imperfections, flawed.
Faces made up, mani & pedicure tight.
Grow it, cut it; bought it, yes the hair is yours.
Enhanced, reduced, perky, saggy, natural
Always a source of comfort
Sometimes abused, rejected, neglected, and taken for granted.
Name called. Labeled.
But always taking care of business.
You achieve, survive and succeed.
The family glue, secret keeper.
Support system
WOMAN
I thank you for being who and what you are.
I truly appreciate & love you!!!
Cycle/Circle
Not again would I let you in I tell myself Not again will I let me feel that hurt I tell myself the last time was the first time And the first time would be the last time The pain was worse than death, It lingered, the moments, the memories. I did, I loved you, wanted you, and needed you. But you didn't recognize my love, true love. You were so blinded by yourself, Your past hurt. I didn't care about that. All that mattered was the present, the future, our future. The fear on your face when you heard The unspoken words of my heart. Woman, be mine, be with me, love me, yes me! Scarred we are from the past But love our love can heal the hurts. Scarred and scared you retreated till you were Ready or so you thought. You didn't know this was real But the power of true love not lust frightened you You, you walked, then ran away draining the contents of my heart Never again I tell myself, Never!!!
No Cure
No Cure…
Rushed in
Admitted! Poked, probed, tested
Professional diagnosis
Incurable, untreatable
Heartbreak.
No asprin or vodka can heal this inner pain.
Caused by the loss of you.
Gone, no goodbyes, no thank yous, no I'm sorry
No nothing. Just your last breath
Heaven called you home and you went
You didn't ask if I wanted to come too.
But you are at peace.
In the broken entity of my heart you will always live.
Gone, no words, no reason, only empty closets
Home is now a house
Where memories, laughter, and love once lived
Now silence is amplified through these walls
No message of I'm good, safe, nothing.
From a lover, friend, should've been life long partner
Is it something I did, said, didn't do???
Nothing but a broken heart, memories and dirty laundry
You left me with
But I will survive, move on eventually
Hoping, wishing that you know I do love you
Until such, I seek a cure for this bleeding broken heart
I love you, miss you.
Rushed in
Admitted! Poked, probed, tested
Professional diagnosis
Incurable, untreatable
Heartbreak.
No asprin or vodka can heal this inner pain.
Caused by the loss of you.
Gone, no goodbyes, no thank yous, no I'm sorry
No nothing. Just your last breath
Heaven called you home and you went
You didn't ask if I wanted to come too.
But you are at peace.
In the broken entity of my heart you will always live.
Gone, no words, no reason, only empty closets
Home is now a house
Where memories, laughter, and love once lived
Now silence is amplified through these walls
No message of I'm good, safe, nothing.
From a lover, friend, should've been life long partner
Is it something I did, said, didn't do???
Nothing but a broken heart, memories and dirty laundry
You left me with
But I will survive, move on eventually
Hoping, wishing that you know I do love you
Until such, I seek a cure for this bleeding broken heart
I love you, miss you.
Like a Thief
Like a thief in the night
worse yet, in the day light
her pictured smile so innocent
oh so harmless.
She said 'i like your profile'
side shot or page layout
of which did she refer?
'But i see you are in a relationship,
so i'd leave you alone...'
little did she know that was
just a front. One couldn't be more
Single. yes single was my reply, i'll tell you not a lie
that was a subconscious lure/deterrent.
Who knows why my status was so set.
But her appeal, intrique was so much more,
Especially with a tease of restriction to
her privately public or her publicly private display.
exchanges are made on instant messenger
but personal prohibitions remain
time passes as it is doing now
damn it, there it goes again.
But as in the real world
fairy tales don't exist yet
mental anguish persists.
Was it real or a figment
emails, ID unknown phone calls prove the latter
was wrong, but still... Gone.
I guess getting your heart robbed
is part of wanting to be a hearthrob.
the emotional chaos lay in her wake
but a step away i must take,
until
until
until then... the search continues.
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